26 Apr 2007
World's longest blog- health and life
Current mood: content
Category: Life
So, thanks to everyone who sent me well wishes in response to my previous bulletin- colonoscopies suck. (That was pretty much all it said.)
This blog is rather long, but I left notes where you can skip around if you already know the history of the disease, the medical terms, etc. Just look for the words that are underlined and in bold- that's how I subtitled the sections. There's medical definitions, the story of my colonoscopy today, the story about my new and VERY EXCITING doctor of osteopathy, and a general life update way down at the bottom which is very positive and uplifting and SHORT. Skip around, read at your leisure. The summeries of each subsection are in italics. Don't strain your eyes to read all of it at once, take breaks. I may be long winded, but at least I'm considerate.
Here we go...
Definition of medical terms and a bit of history:
A colonoscopy is when they stick a 6 foot camera up your rear to look at the inside of your large intestine. Sounds absolutely horrible and embarrassing, but hey, I also go to a gynecologist, an ear, nose, throat specialist, a cardiologist, and an internal medicine specialist who all stick all sorts of things in all sorts of places. At least my gastroenterologist gives me anesthesia.... You have to "prep" the day before so you are all cleaned out. For those who don't know, "the prep" is the medical term for what I prefer to call "Doctor prescribed diarrhea for 24 hours". It doesn't really last that long, but they do clean you out from top to bottom. Then, you go in, get a gown, lay on your left side, get the anesthesia (which knocks some people out, others are awake but really don't care what's happening), the doctor inflates your empty intestines with air so they can see, insert the camera and start moving upwards, taking pictures and biopsies as they go. Then they pull it out, cover you up, and to recovery you go. Once you're awake and you're allowed to eat (depending on how you react to anesthesia- which I react great, no nausea so I eat.) and go home. You can't drive or anything, it's a lot like being stoned, but it doesn't hurt. The prep is WAY worse than the procedure itself. (Example, I'm home now and I feel soooo good.)
A recomendation for people to get colonoscopies:
Colonoscopies are recommended for anyone over age 50 as the ONLY way to prescreen and prevent colon cancer- the number 2 cause of cancer death (after lung cancer) and THE MOST TREATABLE CANCER THERE IS- IF caught early. Cancer grows in these things called polyps which can be taken out before they become cancer. People over 50 are most at risk for it-it mostly has to do with that colon has been working now for 50 years with no rest and sometimes, stuff gets stuck to the walls of the intestines, and nastiness grows there, and cancer can form. Anyone over 50 needs to have a colonoscopy. It's not fun, but it's not that horrible, and it could save your life. By the time colon cancer gives you symptoms, it's at stage 3 or 4 and almost always deadly. Get tested. Get your parents tested. Poop. It could save your life. Strangely, it'd make a great mother's day gift (but don't let it be the ONLY thing you buy her...)
FYI:
For people my age and with ulcerative colitis, I get a colonoscopy to see how inflamed the intestines are, the state of damage the body has done to itself, and to make sure there aren't any holes in my intestines. Due to my UC, I also have a VERY HIGH risk of colon cancer, so they are also looking for polyps. People under 50 usually have a reason for a colonoscopy- like disease or injury. A colonoscopy is very simply a nonsurgical way to look at the intestines for diagnosis and tests. It doesn't treat anything. It just lets the dr look around on the inside with a camera instead of a scalpel.
Definition of Ulcerative Colitis:
UC is this HORRID disease where my immune system woke up one day (and no one knows what causes the disease but it tends to run in families- not mine though) and saw that there was bacteria in my intestines (like God intended for the purpose of digestion) and my immune system attacked my intestines with all its might causing sores (or ulcers). The symptoms are worse than the disease- during a flare up (when the intestines are being attacked) there is constant chronic bloody diarrhea, cramping, and swelling of the intestines. Like when you twist your ankle and it swells, that's a sign of the body rushing fluids there to try and heal itself. Same thing, except then not only do I not feel good, I look very pregnant. That's my story, other people have other symptoms and a lot worse problems (like incontinence, severe weight loss, severe blood loss and dehydration). Mine is mild to moderate. The disease can go into remission where there is a lessening of symptoms and a pretty normal life. (Remission is an awful lot like heaven for people with UC.) But, eventually, the disease overrides the meds and the symptoms return which means stronger medicine for the symptoms.
A thought about UC treatment:
In reality, UC is not treated. The symptoms of UC are what get treated, and with me, even though my symptoms are few and far between (and my original symptoms didn't even make the dr think UC), the symptoms are rarely treated with any measure of success. It's a disease that's been around for 100 years, but there is so little discussion about it that there's no money for research. Let's face it. People who live with chronic diarrhea but won't die of it (they just have to learn to live with it) don't talk about it and therefore it's this unknown disease that forces people to suffer in silence and without much help from their doctors. Chrons disease is very similar to UC except it attacks the small intestine. UC is in the large intestine. I talk because I want a cure. And I want a cure for the disease, not the symptoms.
Today's colonoscopy story:
I had a colonoscopy today (Thursday). This colonoscopy was scheduled to check up on the healing progress since I was last sick not so long ago. Some of you may recall the rather panicky bulletins about hospitals and blood transfusions. This is the UC version of a follow up.
The prep was horrible. I couldn't eat anything since midnight Tuesday/Wednesday. After midnight Wednesday/Thursday I couldn't even drink anything. Normally, I have tolerated this very well because you can have stuff like yellow jello and soup broth- clear liquids so to stay hydrated until midnight the day of. It's by no means FUN, but tolerable and my mom pampers me b/c she feels sorry for me every time I have to go to the bathroom, which is often.
However, the solution they gave me to drink was different than the other two times, and it made me sooooo sick. Vomiting sick. I was so dehydrated and so miserable when I woke up this morning- but also starving- I was ready to rip heads off. But, the nurses were really nice. Also, this procedure is normally done in the morning as the patient has been fasting for a really long time. Rather than a 24 hour fast, though, I ended up doing a 39 hour fast because of how late my appointment was- 1:30pm. Geez.
But nurses love me because I'm the youngest person they've seen all day by like 45 years. And I'm not a cranky old lady volunteering. I'm a sick, skinny little white girl who looks so pathetic and very politely asks for another heated blanket rather than doing the old lady way- complaining about the cold. I'm the baby in that wing of the hospital and I get treated as such. It's awesome.
In previous colonoscopies, they just gave me medicine to relax and make me sleepy. Other people get knocked out by this stuff, but I always fought it and stayed awake and greeted everyone quit cheerfully in recovery and went home to sleep it off for a few hours and then get up and do stuff. My other doctor was always amazed at how much I could remember of the procedure and our conversations. Most other people don't. (Verbatim memory- before my 2nd colonoscopy, once my doctor knew how awake I would be and how much I would remember, he took me around to show me off to the nurses as the one who "hears and remembers all- so be careful." i.e. No swearing or saying Oops during the procedure.)
Yeah. That was then. This time, I have no idea what happened. (New doctor, new anesthesiologist, possibly new drugs).
The last thing I remember is the nurse asking Dr. Gutta, "would you like for me to start sedation?" and he said yes. He hadn't come in to talk to me or anything. She said he would in a minute. I never saw him. Maybe he did, but I don't remember. They usually come in and explain the procedure and ask if you have any questions, then they fill you up with air (which is not fun and can hurt at first if they fill ya up too much) and then you're really loopy, but not this time. I don't remember a thing. Not remember the pain or that initial embarrassing insertion is a good thing. It's the rest of it that's driving me nuts!
I don't remember anything until I woke up at home at 6pm except for bits and pieces.
I remember in recovery the nurse laying into my stomach yelling, "PASS GAS" at the top of her lungs (after your colon is empty, it lays very flat and they pump you full of air so they can see it. I get blown up like a balloon which means later on...) If you don't pass, you can't leave b/c it means something is wrong and the air maybe went too far up or went out a hole in the intestine. I was so groggy, but I managed to say I didn't have any. After laying on my stomach, pushing, for about 20 minutes, she finally agreed, I must have passed it all at once while still in the operating room. My tummy was flat and I had no other symptoms that the air was still anywhere in my body.
I remember being put into a wheelchair (at some point someone dressed me- which is apparently a funny story I don't remember but my mom was embarrassed that I didn't wear a bra, and I told people why.)
I remember arriving at Jamba Juice. I placed my order and even got a pizza protein stick. I remember eating it and offering it to my family. (Most of the people in Jamba were starring at me like I was a lunatic. Must have been funny.) I don't remember getting home, except I do remember greeting the cat and telling her to move over as I fell into bed. And that's where I awoke 3 hours later.
Ask me about any conversation I've had, and you'll get a verbatim retelling of it. I did not get this gift from my mother.
Because when I awoke, she could not tell me what the doctor had said, what had happened, the stuff I said or why when I was loopy. Nothing. All I know is I have a Rx I'm suppose to take of a medication I don't think I need. So, first thing tomorrow, I'm calling that doctor and that nurse and I'm asking for a play by play account of the procedure. There is stuff they don't tell you in recovery, stuff not in your "report" (which is like the highlights of what happened) that I still like to know that I would have known if I'd heard him dictate it during the procedure. (They say what they are doing out loud and what they see b/c there is a microphone and that's how they make notes in the chart.) I also want to discuss this medication, which has HORRIBLE side effects (it's steroids again) and why I'm taking it when I've been symptom free. I'm a demander of answers. My always and forever favorite word: WHY.
How I feel about my colonoscopy:
I'm glad they found what they expected- a healing gut. I'm glad I survived and that I feel really good right now.
But I really am very upset that I can't remember this stuff. I was fine not remembering anything after my wisdom teeth b/c I expected that. This is so... I feel panicky and nervous because it has so distorted and messed me up! I must be crazy. I really feel anxious when I think about today and there's a big gap of NOTHING. I wanna know. There's not a reason why I want to know, I'm sure my family didn't miss anything, I'm sure the doctor didn't tell them I have cancer and they're just not telling me yet. I'm sure what they recapped is accurate to what was actually said, but I want to know what was ACTUALLY said, the tone of voice, the facial expression. There's so much I can't remember. Much of it, I was still asleep. Other parts, they tell me I was awake, but I don't remember. It's fuzzy. Please God, please, take a limb but never give me amnesia.
So, other health news.
VERY EXCITING HEALTH NEWS: Tuesday during the storms I went to see a D.O.- Doctor of Osteopathy, that a coworker at a one day temp job HIGHLY recommended. A DO has all the full medical knowledge and certifications of an MD but also learned and was certified in other healing techniques. So, she can prescribe stuff but also knows how to combine Western medicine with ancient or eastern stuff. I always wanted a second, non traditional medicine opinion about my Ulcerative Colitis, but I never found one. When Dr. Rollins was recommended, it was simply because I need a general practitioner to see when I get the normal sick (You can't see a specialist for everything.) I figured what the heck. I have a small sinus infection and a yellow toenail. Let's see how a DO works.
So, she met with me FOR AN HOUR. (No in and out and on your way with this one.) She wanted to know every disease, every illness, every "odd thing" about me that I'm just use to (like my fingers turn purple when I'm cold). She wrote it all down. Then, she really dived into my ulcerative colitis history and my sinus history. She said a lot of "hmms." She also took note of what I listed as the reason for my visit, which is where I listed the toe nail and then I wrote, "I just need a new doctor." She thought that was funny. She interviewed me, and then I got to interview her. She acted like she had all the time in the world. She didn't want to miss a thing.
She had me come back for a blood test on Wednesday morning (pre prep solution but I was still hungry). I thought it would be the normal, here's my blood see you later. But, she takes a small sample and right there puts it under this HUGE microscope. One sample was live blood (most blood tests in western medicine are dead blood- or stained blood- which shows stuff you need to know but not what live blood shows. This shows HOW my body is working.) AND I GOT TO WATCH IT ALL ON A TV SCREEN. It was so cool. Even if you like your doctor, you should get this blood test. I forgot the name of it, but I'll recommend you to my doctor.
We see that my body is OVERRUN with fungus in the blood. Fungus grows in everyone's body, that's normal. But the body is suppose to keep it in check and mine hasn't. We saw a few parasites (even though previous tests after my various trips over seas said I was parasite negative), we saw a protein deficiency, hormone imbalance, and a dormant lime's disease. We saw a history of viral infections and other infections (when she examined my tonsils she said "Ew, these babies have been working over time and are ALL gunked up.")
Good things were the dried blood (a different slide) showed I was well nourished and no digestive allergies nor toxic bowel. No liver pieces in the blood (which means my liver is pretty healthy.) What was really cool was watching the white blood cells in action and the blood cells floating around. I watched the white blood cells eat fungus and then three of them attack the parasite. That was a good thing b/c it meant that though my body is overwhelmed, it is working. It's trying. Fascinating stuff.
What's most exciting, but I'm not getting my hopes too high, is that she thinks this fungus may be the trigger to my Ulcerative Colitis. And, if it is the cause and the irritant, MAYBE killing the fungus will stop the UC flare ups. MAYBE.
I went from kindergarten to graduation getting sick MAYBE once a year with a cold to college where I was having 2 or 3 trips to the hospital EVERY YEAR. It was ridiculous. Something happened in college to make my body suddenly become sickly, when I had no history of being a sickly child. And she isn't treating each illness separately or as mild anomalies, she's looking at the entire body and it's entire history. The big and the little.
So, I've always researched and read that UC is often dormant in people until they get sick and then the body over reacts and can't turn itself off. I didn't know if it was true or not, and all my other doctors said whatever the cause, once it's turned on, there's nothing we can do except treat the symptoms and try to make you comfortable. (You can imagine the uneasy feeling when ANY doctor can't treat the disease, only the symptoms. In your gut, you just think that's not right. That doesn't make since. Stop the disease, and the symptoms will stop. But since they can't do that, (sigh) what can ya do? But, I always kept my eyes open for treatment of the DIESASE options.)
So, unlike ALL my other doctors who treat the symptoms, she's treating me just like House would. On a clipboard (in my chart) she listed ALL my symptoms/diagnosis, even the funny feeling I've had deep in my ears since 11th grade that after 3 doctors telling me it's just allergies or you're imagining things, I stopped complaining about. She looked them over, looked over my blood (which I was still watching the playback video of on the tv) and began to lay out a 6 month treatment plan of how to take back control of my body.
This is not how to cure my UC- she makes no claims and I have no hopes, but one system after another- gut, heart, teeth, eyes have all suddenly started getting sick. She's out to find out why and how to stop the downhill progression my body has been in since 2000. (I've been eating more healthy and exercising more since 2000 than I ever did as I kid, I should be healthier now, not sicker. But I am sicker, and that's a clue to her, she said.)
First fight the fungus for my body b/c my body has too much going on. Then, ID the parasite (which there's not a bunch of but even one can hurt the body in ways traditional medicine can't detect or test or treat until it IS out of control). ID it and kill it. Then, make sure the lymes disease she saw in that one blood sample really is dormant and make sure it stays that way. (Lymes disease comes from tick bites, which I've had plenty of in my life time being a girl scout and camping and living in Texas and all.) Lymes is a HORRIBLE disease that I'd like to nip in the bud before it wakes up.
She's also going to run more digestive tests to find out why my body is not absorbing protein (when I'm a meat eater and eat lots of other foods with protein and ALL my Jamba smoothies have a protein boost.) More digestive tests to find out if I have any food allergies (like to gluten- a very common undiagnosed allergy because it is in EVERYTHING but it's not like it makes you sneeze or throw up- it manifests in other ways.)
So, what I am excited about is that she sees all of these things- the sinuses, the ears, the bad heart, and the bad intestines as being all related. And she thinks she can help my body take back control and start to heal itself. She promises no cures, and I'm always weary of anything that promises what others have said doesn't exist, but I like her way of thinking. Let the body do it, but we need to help the body get on top of things.
She did write me Rx for legit/traditional medications and then also added herbal things. Told me to be strict about my organic healthy diet and to reintroduce exercise into my life. I'm really hopeful that I can get my body back, my energy back (no more 11 hours of sleep at night as a requirement to function), my life back because we FINALLY know what's going on. She's also going to take X-Rays and cat scans of my sinuses because there is something there. I can feel it, I can describe it, and it's not allergies. So, maybe I'll finally get my tonsils and adenoids delt with and my sinuses cleaned out.
All the stuff I've wished for and asked for but was told I was imagining things or over sensitive or whatever... ah. Someone believes me and is committed to helping my body work correctly. I feel so at peace and so hopeful that I'm going to find what what's going on with my body, WHY it's going on, and help my body heal itself. It's an answer to a prayer!!!
A life update:
So, I'm wide awake after my colonoscopy (hopefully the last one I will need until I'm 50!) and I feel soooo good. I have a job interview tomorrow for the perfect job- pays a lot, networking (working for the Colonial during the big golf tournament), and it ends just in time for my other jobs to kick in. God does provide and I am very hopeful about the future. I even have social plans for this weekend and hanging out at the radio station plans for all next week during Share-A-Thon. (You're going to give, right? Keep 89.7 Power FM on the air, right???) I was able to buy some really amazing new clothes for my new fashion style -sexy casual comfortable- as I like to call it. There will be pictures posted I'm sure. My trip to Tennessse was jam packed full of fun celebrating William's 3rd birthday and helping (not doing it for her this time) HELPING Talitha turn her apartment into a warm home with stuff like curtains and shelves and actually putting clothes into her new dresser, etc. I love and miss them everyday. Pray they come visit me in August before I leave.
FYI: I am planning a goodbye party for myself in August. If you have read all the way to the bottom of this blog, I expect you to be there b/c you're a real friend. Tell everybody who didn't read all the way to here, they are invited too.
In conclusion, I feel good about my body, my finances, my friends, and most of my family members.
Ah...
Life is good.
The End.
April 13, 2007
My dream, my goal, my life passion
Current mood: Inspired
Category: Inspired Life
When you're feeling down and out, when you're doubting God, it's nice to remember. It's nice to go back, via journals if you're me, and remember the night He called me to Him. The nights He would reveal His great plan for my life. The times He would show me all He wants me to do.
I did that the other day. I'm still weary and fearful and not sure, but I do remember what God has said.
And I trust God.
As part of a documentary covering Ulcerative Colitis (that little monster inside me), they asked us about our dreams and how UC affects them. Not to brag, but I kinda like what I wrote. So, here it is. Again. For you.
My dream (my call as I tend to refer to it) is to be an international missionary and travel from country to country, people group to people group, helping people. Physically helping them first, then emotionally, and last spiritually. Kind of like Mother Teresa's work. I want to help build their houses, give them medical treatment, feed them if they are hungry, give them an education, counseling, and last Jesus.
I want to go into the places other people can't or won't go. The places that are so remote, we today don't even know they exist. The people groups that live the exact same way they did 4000 years ago. And places like England or Canada- places so modern it will take a different kind of approach to reach them. Well, not really. Go in, help them, love on them, make friends with them, and then tell them about Jesus. I guess it's the same everywhere.
When I first got UC, I was actually told that this lifestyle plan of mine would not work because I would need medication and treatment and surgeries and let's face it, a nice American style modern bathroom. I sat in a deep and dark depression for a little over a year.
And then my church sponsored me on a trip to Peru. Living on a boat, going from village to village, trying to help people and tell them about Jesus (and revisit villages our church had come across in the past and see if they needed anything. Little tiny village churches are the BEST.)
I was scared to go. I took all my meds, about 14 rolls of toliet paper just for me, all the usual UC packing items. I stored it under my bed and in 12 days, never opened it. I had everyone praying for my health. God really listened, not only was I the healthiest person on the trip, I didn't even get bug bites! Not one!
When I came back from Peru, I realized what God had shown me. He knew about my UC before I had even heard of the diesease. God knew how hard it would be to go and do this kind of work. But He still called me to it and He still instilled it in my heart as my dream. I accepted the call (again) when I got back from Peru. Because I knew UC couldn't take the dream God had given me. Nothing can. Not finances, not health, not isolation and loneliness, nothing. Nothing is going to stop me.
I take my first big step and I move to a small village on a mountain in China August 25.
God also called me to start a Christian theatre company. I won't always run this company, I'm just called to get it started. Disciples Running Around Madly Acting (DRAMA). We're going to be on Broadway one day. That's my other dream. Polar opposties and God told me to do both, and I'm equally passionate about both. But this entry is truly long enough.
April 9, 2007
The need to blog
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life
Well, I feel the need to blog. However, nothing has changed since my last blog. So, this is going to be either really short or really long. So, I've worked a few odd jobs since being laid off thru my temp service, Kelly. (That's the name of the company, not the name of a person.) Not nearly what I was making and not even close to what I need. I did a budget today, and to get to China on time and debt free, I need to make at least $500 a week. At this rate, I won't make that much this month. So, pray guys. Pray. I need some serious donations and a job if I'm going to fulfill these dreams. And that's pretty much all I can think about these days. China, money, and LIT drama, etc. (Who, by the way, rock.) I think about D+R+A+M+A a lot, but with no job, there's no hope of getting that business loan. So, I took a course in grant writing. It was SO informative, but I need to actually write grants... which means doing something besides my space blogs and looking for work...I really want this company to come back and thrive, but I feel like I'm waiting on God. And I don't do waiting very well. I need more self discipline in life. I just thought I'd admit that fault. I also need to control my spending and do a better job of living like I'm poor, 'cause I am. Enough about my short comings, 'cause that would make this a really long blog. Hmm. I doubt a lot of stuff. I doubt God's call on my life, I doubt all that God has told me to do (like travel the world, be the next Billy Graham/Mother Teresa), and what He has told me not to do (get married.) I doubt that I'm all that special and I doubt that I'll be able to get to China. I doubt I'm even suppose to go to China, but I keep marching forward until someone or something changes my path. So, I guess that's it. My life is REALLY boring right now. I have few friends. I hang out with my sister entirely too much. I'm struggling thru life without a major crisis to blame the struggle on. It's just the little things, the day to day things. Life, I guess, is my struggle. I have a lot of joy, though, and I find myself laughing at much of what is going on. At least the depression I so often struggle against has not returned. My life is hard but I keep on. Don't know why or where I'm keepin' on to, but I go. And that now concludes my blog.
March 31, 2007
laid off, China might not happen now
current mood: staving off panic with prayer
Category: Life
Um, as of 7pm tonight (which is when most of you will probably read this) I will be officially unemployed. My company lost its contract and they laid off everyone. (Even my top boss got the ax.)
So, there's about 40 people out on the streets tonight very upset and surprised and... unemployed. I am one of them.
I need a job. I need a good job. I need a job that gives me lots of money and lots of hours and understands that I have doctor appointments and upcoming colonoscopies and I sometimes travel to preach at other churches and need time off to do that, but that I have a ridiculous amount of availability and a strong motivation to work.
I need it ASAP b/c if I miss even one paycheck, China is in trouble. I've been paying Volunteers for China for my trip each week, out of each paycheck, and I really needed to increase that amount. I was worried about how to do that. Now, I'm worried I'll be able to make the payments at all.
So, everybody pray. I need work. I need money. I need to get to China with no credit card debt and some money in savings to survive there until my teaching job's first paycheck comes in. Aside from debt, I need to raise $2000 MORE for my trip to China. Going debt free just seems important. Going at all is the priority.
When I got the word ("the talk") from my supervisor, the song If you want me to by Ginny Owens was playing. "I'll walk thru the fire/valley if you want me to...I'm clinging to the promise you're not thru with me yet."
Earlier today, my day started with Better by Lauren McQuisten. "God you know my heart. I've laid it down before you... You've got the desire of my heart, you've got me set apart. You know the better thing. And I've simply got to trust that if you chose not to give me what I want that you'll give me something better."
I bet later tonight there will be tears and grief and doubt and fear of financial ruin and dashed dreams. But right now, I'm annoying my coworkers by playing these two songs over and over. I'm resting on the promise that God provides. That the universe is not out to get me, that Satan is, and Satan is a looser that God defeats in His way and in His time.
So, everybody pray for me. I am under attack yet again. Attacked by the legal system, attacked financially, attacked personally, and my spirit is tired of it. I just need a break, I need rest, I need a victory that I can see.
Thanks.
March 28, 2007
one of those survey things
Current Mood: Expressive
Category: Life
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:
Laura L. Watson
Laura L. Watson Birthday:October 2
October 2 Birthplace:Oklahoma
Oklahoma Current Location:Fort Worth, Texas
Fort Worth, Texas Eye Color:Blue
Blue Hair Color:Blondish
Blondish Height:5'7
5'7 Right Handed or Left Handed:Both
Both Your Heritage:Irish, some Indian
Irish, some Indian The Shoes You Wore Today:flip flops
flip flops Your Weakness:people who need help
people who need help Your Fears:Being forgotten or unmemorable
Being forgotten or unmemorable Your Perfect Pizza:Pineapple with a meat
Pineapple with a meat Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:Financial independence
Financial independence Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:don't IM much, but prob "let me know!"
don't IM much, but prob "let me know!" Thoughts First Waking Up:grr
grr Your Best Physical Feature:Eyes?
Eyes? Your Bedtime:10pm on work nights, 12am on days off
10pm on work nights, 12am on days off Your Most Missed Memory:D+R+A+M+A wonderfulness
D+R+A+M+A wonderfulness Pepsi or Coke:Dr. Pepper or Root Beer
Dr. Pepper or Root Beer McDonalds or Burger King:Jamba Juice
Jamba Juice Single or Group Dates:don't date much, but by the time I realize it's a date, it's single
don't date much, but by the time I realize it's a date, it's single Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:ick
ick Chocolate or Vanilla:CHOCOLATE
CHOCOLATE Cappuccino or Coffee:ick
ick Do you Smoke:nope
nope Do you Swear:yeppers
yeppers Do you Sing:never
never Do you Shower Daily:uh-huh.
uh-huh. Have you Been in Love:Yes
Yes Do you want to go to College:Already did. Never again.
Already did. Never again. Do you want to get Married:Nope.
Nope. Do you believe in yourself:Yes.
Yes. Do you get Motion Sickness:nope
nope Do you think you are Attractive:Yes, and then I turn on all the bathroom mirror lights.
Yes, and then I turn on all the bathroom mirror lights. Are you a Health Freak:Yes.
Yes. Do you get along with your Parents:Hmm...
Hmm... Do you like Thunderstorms:Very much.
Very much. Do you play an Instrument:I want to.
I want to. In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:Yes.
Yes. In the past month have you Smoked:No
No In the past month have you been on Drugs:No. (Rx?)
No. (Rx?) In the past month have you gone on a Date:No.
No. In the past month have you gone to a Mall:Yes.
Yes. In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:No.
No. In the past month have you eaten Sushi:No.
No. In the past month have you been on Stage:Yes.
Yes. In the past month have you been Dumped:No.
No. In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:No, too cold still.
No, too cold still. In the past month have you Stolen Anything:No. Wait, some pens from work...
No. Wait, some pens from work... Ever been Drunk:Yes- NEVER AGAIN.
Yes- NEVER AGAIN. Ever been called a Tease:Yes, and I'm still apologizing for that lifestyle called high school.
Yes, and I'm still apologizing for that lifestyle called high school. Ever been beaten up: No, well, only by myself.
No, well, only by myself. Ever Shoplifted:Yes.
Yes. How do you want to Die:A hero.
A hero. What do you want to be when you Grow Up:Peter Pan
Peter Pan What country would you most like to Visit:all of them.
all of them. In a Boy/Girl..
Favorite Eye Color:blue
blue Favorite Hair Color:dark
dark Short or Long Hair:whatever compliments their features.
whatever compliments their features. Height:At least 5'9
At least 5'9 Weight:whatever they look best at, I don't do big though.
whatever they look best at, I don't do big though. Best Clothing Style:comfortable casual
comfortable casual Number of Drugs I have taken:a few to have experience and knowledge
a few to have experience and knowledge Number of CDs I own:No more than 300
No more than 300 Number of Piercings:no more than.... 7
no more than.... 7 Number of Tattoos:no more than... 7
no more than... 7 Number of things in my Past I Regret:a few to show you're a little wiser than the rest.
a few to show you're a little wiser than the rest.Everything under boy/girl was answered a) for a boy and b) about what I want in a boy. The wording was a little hard to understand if it was about me or him... so I answered what I want in him. Just in case you were wondering about me: best clothing style is sexy casual, no drugs other than legit Rx, about 150 CDs, 5 piercings, no tats, and many regrets.
March 23, 2007
Universe, What’d I do to you?
Current mood: anxious
Category: Life
Ever had one of those nights when you're in bed, starring at the ceiling, and you take a short review of your life?
I did that last night. Very late, about 2am, after cleaning the entire house in preparation for my parents coming home after a week in Florida. So, my mind was jumbled and there was much evidence of anxiety in my body. So, I took a personal count.
Doing good with Jesus. Doing good with my friends. Doing amazingly well with my family, considering. Doing good with LITs. Doing good with weight loss and fitness stuff. Doing good with DRAMA, much to look forward to. Hmm. So, why does my body have all this anxiety and stress all over?
And then it hit me. I'm doing things right and yet things aren't working out for me. And that's when I asked the Universe a question I'm afraid to hear the answer to. I said,
"Universe, what'd I ever do to you?"
First, it's the apartment complex saying I owe them rent when they were given notice of my move out date. Then, the apartment said I damaged the apartment and want me to pay for that. I sent them a dispute letter, asking if we could resolve this with a meeting. They hired a lawyer and said I should do the same.
Then, it was Verizon saying I owed them for a month of internet after they had turned it off. That one was easily fixed with a couple of phone calls and my confirmation of cancellation letter. (They actually owed me a refund, which I'm waiting for.) However, in their error, they sent what my refund was as a debt to a collection agency. And that collection agency is not very believing of me right now... Go figure.
Then it was this whole thing with my youth minister. I'm still not mad, but it puts a knot in my stomach to think about it. I was open and honest about a mistake. I didn't get fired for the mistake itself, I got fired b/c I was open and honest about it, and you're not suppose to be THAT honest with teenagers as it may give them... I dunno. A complex or something about the imperfect adults in their lives.
And finally, this whole accident. I immediately admitted it was my fault. The insurance paid for everything on her car and she's gone on her merry little way. But being honest about it and taking responsibility now means I'm in legal trouble. Yes, I caused a minor accident, but no, I did not break any laws. I've already paid for what I should pay for. I don't understand why I'm in trouble legally. I think everything will be dismissed. I believe I'm right and I trust the legal system, but still...
Universe, what did I DO to deserve all of this? I did everything right, everything I was told to do- from the apartment to the traffic court- and in some cases, I've gone above and beyond the call of duty. And still it's not resulting in positive consequences.
I don't think I should get a key to the city for being a good person. It doesn't work that way. But shouldn't being a decent, honest, good person at least not result in a person getting screwed EVERYTIME I turn around?
So, therein lies my frustration. I've done right and I'm getting treated like I've done wrong, in several situations in my life. Give me a break, Universe. Geez.
Now, I believe one should do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I believe that what goes around comes around. Earl (on Everybody Hates Earl) has it quit right about karma. I smile at people, I'm friendly, I let cars go ahead of me in long lines of traffic. I help folks pick up stuff when they drop it. I say bless you when you sneeze. I give to charity (time and money). I'm in the ministry for goodness sake! Whose bad karma am I the victim of?
Hello, Universe, are you listening?
March 15, 2007
Beware the ides of March
Current mood: weary
Category: Life
Went to work on my day off b/c we had a birthday lunch in and I said I'd bring cupcakes. The lunchin was on my desk. My stuff got moved. I had messages waiting for me where people had called in their info and the person who took the call didn’t' help the client, and now those clients keep calling demanding me (and no one is able to tell them I'm OFF 3 days a week and only work weekends. Are you people praying?) People with money throw a pot luck so much better than college students, by the way. I ate waaayyyy too much.
So, then I got a parking ticket. My meter ran out 10 minutes before I finished eating.
Kind of bummed about that. $17 I don't have.
Then went to Dallas. My friend Eddie wasn't at the station today, but I got to hang out with all my other favorite DJs and get my new hoodie that says Street Team, like I'm an important person. Very soft. Very warm. Yum. It's 80 degrees outside, so I didn't get to wear it. (It was a size SMALL for those who are wondering...yes!)
Drove back to Fort Worth. Looked through the apartment complex and at the apartment I'm going to dream about living in one day. Beautiful, luxury, downtown living apartments. Niiiicccceee.
Driving out and around, lost on the one way streets, I caused an accident. Sort of. I was in the left lane, but I was in the far right of the left lane. I suddenly decided to turn left, looked, saw nothing, and WAM! Hit the brand new expensive SUV of a $%$% aka blessed and wonderful person. All the damage is to my car- practically totaled because it's not worth it to fix it. Her light was smashed out and when she drove over the smashed light, it popped her tire. Wa wa. I checked her over and the little girl with her, the cop checked her over. "Did you hit your head, are you hurt," etc. Now, 3 hours later, she's claiming she has to go to the hospital. Neither of us was traveling more than 15 mph. Good grief. But, it's kind of my fault. I didn't see her. I didn't look twice, though. (How does an SUV hide like that?) But she was pulling up on my left in the left lane, so... we both made no-no mistakes. And now she's milking it for all its worth. The cop was pissed. I was writing down my info and taking pictures and offering to send them to their emails and she refused everything I offered. This is what I did KNOWING the cop was coming but I tried to hurry it along. She refused. "No, I want a report." The cop was like Lady, you're wasting my time, but I have to oblige. (Cop pulled me aside and was like, Go to court. Don't take this. She's going to make it ugly.)
People, don't mess with Jesus. Don't do it. Jesus is going to get you. My mistake for turning and not looking, but don't con me. Don't take my insurance, my perfect record, and try and ruin it completely. It's Jesus’ car, it's Jesus' money. He will do me right. Grrrrrrr.
Went to Wal-Mart. Spent an enormous amount of money on dr. pepper, Smirnoff, cookies n cream ice cream and chocolate peanut butter cups. Went home to face my parents, and curled up to watch tv.
My head hurts. My tummy hurts. I want to crawl under a rock.
But, waiting for the pictures develop, I got to discover I'm a size small in t-shirts and a new black bikini. Wahoo...
oh, my head. Time to sleep..
March 1, 2007
Shiner Beer Obituary
Current Mood: happy
Category: News and Politics
Endurance and Shiner beer got her through life
ANNIE LOIS COCHRAN | 1913 - 2007
By JESSICA DeLEÓN
STAR-TELEGRAM STAFF WRITER
ANNIE LOIS COCHRAN
Annie Cochran, 93, was tough.
She survived the Great Depression.
She raised a son by herself.
And she insisted on drinking one type of beer: Shiner Bock.
Mrs. Cochran of North Richland Hills died Thursday of natural causes.
"She was a real character," said Dr. Matt Cochran, her grandson.
Mrs. Cochran was born in the South Texas town of Moulton.
She went through hard times growing up. She survived the Spanish flu epidemic and smallpox as a child. As a teenager in the late 1920s, she picked cotton, earning 50 cents for 100 pounds. Her mother made her wear bonnets to protect her face. She and her family slept on mattresses made of corn husks.
In the early 1930s, she married Frank Cochran and moved to a ranch in Fisher County, in West Texas.
She would often be alone for weeks, maintaining the ranch, while her husband bought and sold cattle. Once when a snake appeared under her front porch, she didn't go outside until her husband returned days later, daughter-in-law Anne Cochran said.
Mrs. Cochran also helped Frank Cochran in a grocery store in Snyder while he tended to his other businesses across the state.
After her husband died, in the early 1950s, she single-handedly raised her son, Jerry, who was 9 months old. She stayed in Snyder, working for another grocer.
In the early 1980s, her son moved to Arlington. She often zipped over about 245 miles from Snyder in three hours in her 1977 Chevrolet Impala.
Mrs. Cochran moved to Arlington in 1984 so she could be near her three grandsons. She thought the area had too many trees, though, and not enough country.
About two weeks ago, Jerry Cochran, 56, headed out to the ranch in Fisher County.
"I wish I could go out there," she told him.
She had traveled with the family, however, to San Francisco, Hawaii, San Diego and Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.
And she drove until age 89 without getting a ticket or into an accident -- except for when she backed out of the garage and lightly hit a fence.
"Don't tell your dad about this," she told her grandson Michael, who was riding shotgun.
She remained feisty even as she entered Keller Oaks Healthcare Center in North Richland Hills two years ago. One time, her son was trying to get her to go to Mass, and she didn't want to. She told her nurse, "You listen to me, not him."
And she was particular about her beer. As she got older, she had to have her Shiner.
Her son had it on tap and would bring it to her in a Gatorade bottle.
One time, Jerry Cochran bought her a German beer. She went to a nurse. "Get him on the phone now," she told her. "I don't like this crap."
Mrs. Cochran even had a little sip Thursday, the day that she died. The family had gathered around her bed. Even the family's black Labrador, who she named Shiner, tried to get his head in there.
Other survivors include a third grandson.
SERVICES
Mass of Christian burial will take place at 3 p.m. Wednesday at St. Michael Catholic Church, 3713 Harwood Road in Bedford. Burial will be in Hermleigh.
Things are looking up. Finally.
Current mood: optimistic
Category: Life
Went to a different doctor today. He LISTENED. He agreed to change my meds to something w/o so many side effects and was concerned (unlike my old doctor) about what this other medication had done. Yippee for colonoscopy and labs to find out the extent of the damage. But, like I said, this doctor didn't just blow me off and tell me it's my fault. He's doing something to help me.
I'm also trying out a new round of medications. I have to take it easy all weekend and rest as I had significant blood loss and I'm weak. I'm already feeling better. I went on a bowel rest diet- i.e. liquids. Buttermilk, ensure, yogurt, bananas, Jamba Juice, etc. I'm exhausted but the pain comes and goes, which is better than in pain all the time. I think things are FINALLY looking up.
THANK YOU to all who prayed for me. Continue to pray as being on new meds means new side effects (and it's steroids which means weight gain... grrrrrrrrrrr) and as this type of thing takes a long time to heal. It's not like I can put my colon in a cast and wait for it to heal and then use it. But, God's been good. My supervisors at work have been wonderful, folks at church awesome, and my myspace buds are always sending me their prayers. I appreciate it. I really really do.
I'm ready to get back to my life. To work. To church. To something besides the couch.
One can only watch so much daytime television...
Feb 28, 2007
hospital?
current mood: worried
Category: Life
I'm sicker. We have figured out that I do not have a stomach bug and it's not a UC flare up. Here's what happened: I took medication for my heart that ripped through my intestines- literally. From top to bottom, I have cuts and sores. I'm in a LOT of pain- I can't walk or stand up straight. I've had severe blood loss. I'm dehydrated. I've lost 10 lbs this week alone. Today, I woke up nauseous on top of the pain and... other fun symptoms.
I went to the doctor yesterday, w my mom, and even she left very angry. He wanted to blame me for this, said it was my fault and I was suffering b/c I wasn't taking my UC meds. He did a quick exam (pushed on my stomach and listened to it, all while I cried out b/c it HURT) had some blood work done, to find out the extent of the blood loss, and told me to drink buttermilk. Now, perhaps this is all any doctor can do as we wait for the medication to leave my system and everything to heal up, but the simple fact that he didn't listen, I'm going to a different doctor tomorrow.
However, I'm really scared there is something else wrong. This pain, it's not one I've had before. It's constant, nothing helps, and it's not going away. I'm afraid I might have perforated an intestine. I've called in to several doctors to see if they will see me today. If no one sees me by 2, I'm going to the ER. I may be hitting a panic button, but I can't ignore my instincts. Something is wrong.
Please pray for me. I did this to myself, I'm sure, but it hurts and I don't want it to anymore. Thanks.
Feb 24, 2007
New hair cut, social life, and job situation type update
Current mood: content
Category: Life
Well, hmm, not sure this blog is going to be all that interesting, but to my loyal readers (and you three know who you are...) here's an update.
I didn't get the teaching position- the FWISD decided not to start that program this semester. I did however get a fabulous job downtown. I work in a call center for Blue Cross Blue Shield Medicare Part D (Rx drugs.) At first, I was working 6 days a week, 12 hour shifts. Starting this week I'm down to about 50 hours a week with optional overtime when we're really busy. I have great co workers and my own little cubicle. I just got a whole bunch of pictures developed b/c the grey walls were closing in. It's mostly pictures of mission trips and family and friends, a little motivation to keep working. I also work at HR Block on the weekends, so I'm staying busy. Everybody knows I'm a missionary and go to church and all that stuff, but that didn't make them treat me different. My coworkers, about 3 in particular, really opened up and shared their struggles with me. Pray for my coworkers. A friend at church says my latest ministry will be called Cubicles for Christ.
I've also stayed really healthy, which is a blessing! In both my offices, nastiness w/o a name has been going around. Stomach bugs, flu, strep throat, pink eye, upper respiratory stuff, sinus infections, and I have stayed healthy. I've been feeling really weak and tired the last couple of days, with a lot of chest pains and swelling in my face, arms, and legs (which is a bad sign where my heart is concerned), but I took today off and stayed in bed all day and slept. Sleep is the cure all. I suggest we all try it. Along with Jamba Juice. (That's the best part about my new job, I'm up the street from Jamba. wow... God blesses me in the smallest, most wonderful ways. Block is up the street from my new gym... is that a blessing or a hint?)
Hmmm, staying strong with the LIT Drama stuff. Love them. Love the work they are producing. Can't wait to see what's next. This summer will be REALLY fun with them performing at all the VBSes and a mission trip. I will be a slave driver. The rehearsal nazi. The one who never quits.... fun.
I don't work with the youth at my church anymore. Not sure what I'm suppose to say about it. But, let's simply say, my youth minister and I see the consumption of alcohol (and one drunken mistake, and the mistake of being open and honest about a drunken mistake) different ways, and so I no longer work in that department. I understand where he is coming from, and I'm not mad. I am disappointed, b/c I loved my girls, but... I can love and pray for them w/o being... on staff? Well, I wasn't a staffer, but you get the idea. We agree to disagree and now I am an all out pre-teen minister. Which rocks.
Talitha got a new job and bought a house. Her life is going amazing, so thanks to all those who prayed for us to get new jobs, etc. Even though she's in Tennessee, she's my best friend, and when something’s hard on her, it's hard on me. And now, we're going through a get fit in 7 weeks program, together. God help us all.
Oh, and I got my hair cut. Picture is now posted. Do let me know what we think. I have many ways of styling it, bangs across, bangs swept to the side, bangs done up for volume, bangs slicked back to make it look like it use to. And it's shorter. WAY shorter. (Pony tails are still possible, though.) I love it, but it never hurts to ask people to tell you you're beautiful. More pictures will be posted once I get my camera phone fixed (I can take pictures and store them, but then I can't email them to my computer.) And yes, I have pictures of all the styling possibilities. And just imagine, I haven't tried curling it yet...
So, let's go out sometime. Let's have fun. I work 10am-7pm, so I can even stay out late (no more bed at 9pm b/c I have to be at work at 6:45am.) Let's have a social life. WHO'S WITH ME?!
